scraps and snapshots

Oh, where to begin.... Life....

I have meant to blog a little bit more.... but I haven't had time. But the term is over now. I survived it..... but not without a few scrapes and bruises to my pride, the mask of identity I have made for myself, and a challenge to everything I thought.

I do not have time to recall all of the things that happened over the term. Nor would many people be interested in reading that. I instead want to share with you some scraps of my life, some snapshots of the moments that reminded me of the faithfulness of God.

Let me preface these few memories by saying that God is AMAZING! Gracious and merciful is the LORD!!

I believe that God is always revealing Himself to those who follow Him. I believe that He wants us to draw near, and when we do, amazingly, He draws near to us. That we are afforded such a relationship with the Almighty God of the universe by the blood of the Lamb who was slain baffles me and breaks me. But I want to know this God more deeply.

So, I decided to look for Him.

I have started keeping a journal of the ways I see God moving. It is paintings and poems and pictures and words all proclaiming the glory and majesty of God as it is revealed in my life. I guess I thought that the best way to train myself to see was to start looking.... It has reminded me of the time my dear friend Emma and I decided we wanted to be more poetic, eloquent people and our decided way of reaching that goal was to write a poem everyday for a year. I failed miserably at that..... But my journal I am committed to keeping. I am determined that, although it is a joy now, when it becomes a chore I will still use it as an avenue for seeking the face of God, or looking for His hand in my life.

Perhaps I will scan some pages from it sometime.

At any rate, I will share some moments from my life in which God has been faithful, and I'm sure you'll get to hear the other thousands of ways He was working in me this fall once we get to heaven.

It was a rough fall. I am living missionally with three girls who are not Christians.
They are all friends of mine. But I never anticipated that it would be so hard.... or so easy.

I miss living in my parents' home when I am in school. There is no one in my apartment who can share in the rapture of God's creation during the changing of the leaves or the first frost... yet. And it is hard.

But God has not deserted me. Every time I feel completely overwhelmed, and am frustrated and regret living with these girls, God moves.

During the first week of the term, I had one-on-one talks with each of my roommates about who Jesus is... and THEY brought it up. Kids, that was God. I was scared, and nervous and had no idea where to start. So God worked it out for me.

Whenever I came close, as it is tempting to do, to stop taking every single opportunity to mention Jesus's way, God would lead my roommates to ask me. Over and over.

okay, so, I am not going to go into specifics right now.. but just to summarize:
I had long, long talks, I had time to discuss my prayer life, I discussed the importance of the Scriptures, when my own Bible was ruined by an accident when I was not home. I have had every opportunity to love these girls selflessly in the name of Christ.

And I have often failed. But God has always blessed me by giving me a new beginning as His representative. I have explained my failings, and God's love for me to these girls. I have told them that although I have and will failed them there is Someone who will not. I have apologized and explained how I am not a good representative of my God.

I have shared in their sorrows and looked them in the eyes and with the conviction of the Spirit, with shaking hands and a steady voice told them the ONLY way they will be satisfied or fulfilled and these heartaches healed is in Jesus. I have prayed for and with them.

And I am tired. And when I have been exhausted I have ignored the call to love them, and have avoided telling them they are treasures. I have been annoyed and angry at them. I have been unfaithful to God. But I am His.

"The saying is trustworthy, for:
if we have died with Him, we will also live with Him;
if we endure, we will also reign with Him;
if we deny Him, He also will deny us;
if we are faithless, He will remain faithful -

- for He cannot deny Himself."

II Timothy 2:11-13

I thank the Lord for my life, this testament to His faithfulness.